IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour.

#countries #laws #tobacco #buildings #offices #restaurants #intention #arguments #debate #conclusion #side #favour
Abuse of tobacco products is an
age old
Add a hyphen
age-old
show examples
 activity and is gaining more prevalence in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society every passing decade. Few countries have taken
stand
Add an article
a stand
show examples
 against smoking in public areas like
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and eateries and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 nations think
otherwise
. We will be discussing both sides in
this
 essay and conclude it with my opinion. On one hand, The proponents of the law state that not only smoking has severe ill
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on the person’s own
health
 , but
also
 compromises the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the people nearby,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 the child population.
This
 means passive smoking might cause major
health
 hazards.
Moreover
, they
also
 point out that it can influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters and make them addicted to
such
 substances thereby making them vulnerable to severe
health
 issues in the future.
On the other hand
, the opponents of
this
 rule cite that every human has
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to act as they like and By
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they imply that
such
 rules are regressing their
free-will
Correct your spelling
free will
show examples
.
Additionally
, they highlight that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smokers are addicted and may have a sudden urge to smoke. It could be
challenging
Add an article
a challenging
show examples
 task to find a place to smoke when in a meeting or a public gathering.
This
 perhaps could lead to
reduced
Add an article
the reduced
a reduced
show examples
 amount of public interaction and may make them isolated from
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the pupils.
Overall
, it seems logical
to conclude
 that everyone has a right to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 and freedom to act as they like, but
this
 can not exclude the fact that people need to be morally more responsible and not cause harm to others , especially in terms of
health
.
Submitted by skh160397 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: