IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts reveal
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of
australians
Change the capitalization
Australians
show examples
, which were born in and outside the country in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010. It can be seen that
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
bouth
Correct your spelling
both
 charts
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 born in and outside
th
Correct your spelling
the
 Australia are in
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 ratio
betwen
Correct your spelling
between
 themselves.
However
Linking Words
,
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of people born not in a megapolis extremely decreased in fifteen years. On the one hand, on the first
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can observe the same ratio for all of
groups
Add an article
the groups
show examples
,
in other words
Linking Words
, the first place takes men born in the cities,
further
Linking Words
 goes to towns, and the
last
Linking Words
 one is rural areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2010 people born in Australia in rural and towns are roughly equal,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 is almost four times higher.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we can see that in 15 years more people prefer to
born
Change the verb
bear
show examples
 their children in
a big cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big city
big cities
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of other options.
Submitted by li_istomina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: