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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart bar gives information about shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan.

The bar chart bar gives information about shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan.
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The bar chart bar gives information about shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States,
Canada
Use synonyms
, the United Kingdom, and
Japan
Use synonyms
. The diorama illustrates the expenditures on food, housing, transportation, health care,
clothing
Correct word choice
and clothing
show examples
 of Americans, Canadians, English and Japanese in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, much more money was spent on housing in each of these countries than on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four
categoris
Correct your spelling
categories
. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of housing costs was in the US, it was over 25%. In second place was the UK with 24%.
Then
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 with a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 22%. And the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of housing costs was in
Canada
Use synonyms
,approximately 21%. The highest consumption of food was in
Japan
Use synonyms
 amounting
about
Change preposition
to about
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 23%. After
Japan
Use synonyms
 is the UK with 20%. Almost the same rates were in the US and
Canada
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, about 14 and 15
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
. Transportation
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
in
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States were higher than the rate for other nations, approximately 20% and 17%. The United Kingdom's rate was 15%. The lowest transportation expenditure was 10% in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, health care and clothing were the cheapest two sectors. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care was
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 US with about 7% and the lowest was 2% in the UK.
Canada
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's and
Japan
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's figures were the same, approximately 4%. There were
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 noticeable differences in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the citizens in these countries spending on clothing, between 4% and 6%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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