IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is believed by some that teaching physical education in school is a waste of time and energy, however, other group of people tend to think that sport in collegues is a crucial part of education process.

#education #school #waste #time #energy #group #people #sport #collegues #part #process
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some that teaching physical education in school is a waste of time and energy,
however
Linking Words
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of people tend to think that
sport
Use synonyms
 in
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 is a crucial part of
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 process.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Add an article
the sport
a sport
show examples
 should have
place
Add an article
a place
show examples
 in schools or it is
Add an article
a non
the non
show examples
non obligatory
Add a hyphen
non-obligatory
show examples
 thing. A commonly held belief is that amount of
recources
Correct your spelling
resources
 acquired and used for studying PE could be contributed to
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 other more vital studies. As evidence of
this
Linking Words
 they point to that math,
phycics
Correct your spelling
physics
 and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of technical subjects are more important than
bench
Add an article
the bench
show examples
 of physical activities and these exercises could not provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those benefits as major or minor could. It could be explained by the fact that
sport
Use synonyms
 can not be evaluated, so high schools and universities accept them to study
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their walls because the
enrolle
Correct your spelling
enrolled
enrollee
enrollment
 is
athlete
Correct article usage
an athlete
show examples
, they choose them because of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 hard and soft skills.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 humanity sees
sport
Use synonyms
 lessons as a useless way of spending time that do not give any advantages for their future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that deprivation of enough
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 may
brought
Change the verb form
bring
be brought
show examples
 about
degradation
Add an article
the degradation
show examples
 of
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 and physical health of students.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 they may mention that
Correct article usage
the overbundance
show examples
overbundance
Correct your spelling
overabundance
 of stress that students receive from studying would
be threaten
Change the verb form
be threatened
show examples
 by physical exercises.
In addition
Linking Words
, by doing
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 adolescents relax their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
, nerves and other stuff. The explanation lies in the fact that during work-out our body
relases
Correct your spelling
releases
 some kind of hormones called dopamine that makes us delighted and forgot all our issues,
stresses
Correct word choice
and stresses
show examples
 for
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 time.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
sport
Use synonyms
 subject encourages and enhances mental well-being and it is mandatory. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would agree with the latter statement, pupils need some rest during
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 year and physical education can grant it to them.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: