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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
#transport #food #health #care #goods #services #japan #malaysia
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The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food,
health
Use synonyms
 care and other goods and
services
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 other goods and
services
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
, the Malaysian people spent most on accommodation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of transport and
health
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services
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 was
doubled
Replace the word
double
show examples
 that in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. In
Japan
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, the greatest
proportion
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 of expenditure was on other goods and
services
Use synonyms
, which stood at 29%
while
Linking Words
 that in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was just the second-highest, representing 26%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Malaysians allocated the highest percentage of their income
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 accommodation at over a
third,
Linking Words
compared with 21% in
Japan
Use synonyms
. Both Malaysian and Japanese householders purchased nearly a quarter of
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 money for food at 27% and 24%, respectively. The
proportion
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 of transportation in
Japan
Use synonyms
 was 20%
whereas
Linking Words
health
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services
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 made up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6% of total expenditures. These figures for transport and
health
Use synonyms
 care in
Malaysia
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 were exactly half of those in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, services, japan, malaysia, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average spending
  • housing expenditures
  • transport costs
  • consumption habits
  • health care budget
  • goods and services
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • urban vs rural spending
  • disposable income
  • financial priorities
  • significant discrepancies
  • budget allocation
  • grocery bills
  • comparative analysis
  • fiscal management
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