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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given graphs illustrate the conclusion of what cultural and leisure activities boys and girls prefer to do in their free time.

The given graphs illustrate the conclusion of what cultural and leisure activities boys and girls prefer to do in their free time.
The given graphs illustrate the conclusion of what cultural and leisure activities
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 prefer to do in their free time.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 a great percentage of the
boys
Use synonyms
 enjoy playing basketball in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
 time, dancing is the most popular activity for the
girls
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, exactly the same proportion of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 opt to listen to
music
Use synonyms
 when they are not busy. Regarding the
boys
Use synonyms
’ diagram, playing computer games is the most preferred activity with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rate
34
Change preposition
of 34
show examples
%. The figures for sports like basketball and soccer
also
Linking Words
 account for a high proportion, which
stand
Change the verb form
stands
show examples
 at 26% and 17%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of the male sex
relax
Change the verb form
relaxes
show examples
 with
music
Use synonyms
 in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
 time, which is just lower than that for skateboarding at 11%. Only a tiny majority of the
boys
Use synonyms
 choose reading. Dancing marks the highest score in the
girls
Use synonyms
’ graph at 27%, and over a fifth of
girls
Use synonyms
 prefer reading. Netball and online games reach about the same figure
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 each other with a ratio of 15% and 16%, respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 exactly the same percentage of
girls
Use synonyms
enjoyinggymnastics
Correct your spelling
enjoying gymnastics
 and listening to
music
Use synonyms
 compared with skateboarding and
music
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
boys
Change to a genitive case
boy's
boys'
show examples
 data.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • preference
  • participation
  • engagement
  • creative activities
  • cultural activities
  • technological activities
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • conclusion
  • free time
  • leisure
  • percentage
  • predominant
  • marked difference
  • trend
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