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Band 3

The given chart and graphs demonstrate the data of deaths from flu and in June 1996, a special vaccine was created only for women in big cities of the nation.

#graphs #data #deaths #flu #june #vaccine #women #cities #nation
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the number of deaths of
females
 as compared to males from June to August was significantly high.
According to
 the
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
 problem began in Feb 1996, when the
death
rate
 was at
peak
Correct pronoun usage
its peak
show examples
 in June month, and around 3500 women lost their lives.
Moreover
, the
death
rate
 drastically increased from April month for both sexes. As the vaccine trial started for the women, the
death
rate
 moderately came down from June to Dec. Surprisingly, the vaccines were tested only for
females
, but the
death
rate
also
 slowed down for men, which indicates their strong immunity. In December the number of deaths in males were 1500 and in female was around 2500. The authorities
also
 released the data for the recipients of vaccine groups most at risk, 28% of the
females
 were not given vaccines, 13% got hospitalized and the largest category who were above 65 years old was 35% highest which had maximum risk of
death
.
Overall
, in
this
 flu
male's
Change noun form
male
show examples
death
rate
 was always lesser than
females
 from February to December.
Additionally
, women above 65 years old were at high risk of
death
 which got vaccines on priority.
Submitted by gsmultani506 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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