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Writing Samples
Band 3

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
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These two paragraphs show the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer
Use synonyms
 ownership in different ages between 2002-2010. Technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been developed for so long and it goes by very fast. It still continuing to make many more in the future. In the
future
Add a comma
,future
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 they are probably going to discover new things. As you can see for now, they are starting to make robots to do things for us, which means the technology is still going and people are working on it at the moment.
Use synonyms
Computer
Fix the agreement mistake
Computers
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 have been one of the most popular technologies
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past and it still famous now a day. The
computer
Use synonyms
 was getting to know since 2002. As you can see
computers
Use synonyms
 were not that popular for the first 2 years but it gets started to know more and more over the next few years.
Computers
Use synonyms
 were not that popular for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
Use synonyms
 kids in both years 2002 and 2010.
However
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college students started to use
computers
Use synonyms
 in 2002, which means they needed
computers
Use synonyms
 to study
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 degree of study since that time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you look at the second graph, the higher percentages were from
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
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 degree of study, which means they were not necessary in high
school
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership was increasing since
then
Linking Words
, and I’m sure it still increasing every day and, in the future,
also
Linking Words
. They were popular in a group of college or higher degree students, but they were not popular in high
school
Use synonyms
 as much as older students. Now,
computers
Use synonyms
 are more popular in high
school
Use synonyms
, they are teaching kids how to use them and get them into a modern technology world.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, computers, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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