IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.
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The bar graph provided information about the rate of part-time employees in each country of the United Kingdom in the year 1980 and in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that there are four countries. England and Wales have
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in percentage,
whereas
Linking Words
 Northern Ireland has a
downfall
Replace the word
fall
show examples
 rate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, during the 1980's the worker's rate
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuation.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
England in 1980 has 25% of labours for part-time work,
as well as
Linking Words
, in 2010 it increased to 5% of
workers
Use synonyms
 for a job.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Northern Ireland in the first period has 19% and in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 it has 18% of
workers
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 in Northern Ireland there is not much difference in the employee's amount.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Scotland
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 shown a rise in labour application for short-duration work.
However
Linking Words
, it has 10% during the beginning and drastically rises to 25%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the era.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 country is Wales the percentage of part-time
workers
Use synonyms
 in Wales is at
peak
Correct pronoun usage
its peak
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the region has an upward trend,
along with
Linking Words
 it, it has 40% of
workers
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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