Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the advancement in technology and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
,internet
show examples
there is
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
of online and
video
games
available at
one
's disposal on
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
click. In today's world , it is essential to keep up with the pace of the moving world,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
we should not be neglecting and acknowledging the benefits of our old traditional outdoor activities which we use to play before
invention
Add an article
the invention
show examples
of the internet. In
this
essay, I would put forward all the pros and cons of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forms of
games
and will provide my conclusion.
To begin
with , engaging our children in playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor
games
and activities has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
own set of benefits. First of all, going out and playing on the playgrounds or parks will increase their physical endurance and stamina which eventually will be beneficial to their
overall
health development and will help in building the immune system which can combat many
illness
Change to a plural noun
illnesses
show examples
. So
overall
, healthy children
meaning
Wrong verb form
mean
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
nation.
Secondly
, going out and playing with
inculcate
Correct pronoun usage
them inculcate
show examples
a sense of bonding amongst the kids and will impart the essence of social bonding amongst them which is kind of fading from today's generation.
Pracitically
Correct your spelling
Practically
, I do not see any major cons of playing outdoor
games
unless it is physically impossible for
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
due to
some kind of injury or disease.
On the other hand
, playing
video
games
on mobile or computer only invites
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of health and social issues.
Due to
their vibrant aesthetic and kind of genre of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
, these are
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
very popular and addictive among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children .
As a result
, kids would be glued to their gadgets in their greed to complete
one
more level which will eventually impact
the
Change the word
their
show examples
eyesight and their
overall
health as they would be sitting at
one
place
thoroughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
and playing these
games
.
Also
,
study
Add an article
a study
show examples
published by
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
York
times
Capitalize word
Times
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
mentioned the increase in social avoidance amongst the younger generation as
one
of the side
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
of excessive use of online
games
.Young kids are so
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
involed
Correct your spelling
involved
in these
video
games
that they practically do not like to attend any social events in person which indirectly makes them
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
over the course of time. In
nutshell
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
, I would incline towards stressing the importance of playing
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
compared to playing
games
on mobile/computers as their benefit
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
.
Submitted by desaivini9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • exercise and movement
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • holistic approach
  • environmental awareness
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • posture
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: