IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs personal information, such as their hobbies and inerests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #inerests
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Nowadays , many occupations require plenty of personal
information
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 that might be irrelevant to the work. people have extreme points of view toward
this
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 situation and I am going to explain why in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, many induvial tend to make their personal
information
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 secret , they believe that it is their own life and no one can have access to it .
However
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 some of them do not care about that , and they try to be acceptable for the job in any way , no matter how inquisitive questions could be asked to them.
Secondly
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, companies tend to ask personal questions to know if the candidates are having other responsibilities,that could influence
in
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apply
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their performance in the work.
For
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instance
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,instance
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 they could ask if the employees have children or not . But ,
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nevertheless
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,nevertheless
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 it might be sometimes out of the lines . From my perspective, I do believe that personal
information
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 is essential
at
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in
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 any occupation , but it should be related to the job, and I think it needs to have
a
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apply
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specific criteria that are based on the most important points of the job.
How ever
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However
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the employer
have
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has
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 to preserve the
information
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 carefully without sharing it
to
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with
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any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
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,
otherwise
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 I would disagree with that . In conclusion , I would that people
need
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toneed
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 be more
acceptable
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accepting
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to
Change preposition
of
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 sharing their
information
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 if it
dose
Correct your spelling
does
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 not reflect badly and it will
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employers if they keep induvial personal
information
Use synonyms
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
Submitted by wdalris2020 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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