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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
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The illustrations display
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how the
cement
Use synonyms
 is produced, what equipment is used to produce
cement
Use synonyms
 and
process
Correct article usage
the process
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 of making concrete for building
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, both of them are man-made and linear processes. Making
cement
Use synonyms
 contains six stages, beginning with crushing raw
materials
Use synonyms
 and ending with being bagged;
however
Linking Words
, concrete is made by only one stage and equipment. First of
all
Add a comma
,all
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 crusher crushes limestone and clay to make powder and it is passed into the mixer
where
Correct word choice
which
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 takes away all
materials
Use synonyms
 to
rotating
Correct article usage
the rotating
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 heater in order to grind
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
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materials
Use synonyms
. After that,
cement
Use synonyms
 is ready to be bagged and to be used for producing concrete. The only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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stage of manufacturing concrete is to mix all raw
materials
Use synonyms
 using concrete mixer equipment. The main ingredient to produce concrete is gravel, which is used exactly a half proportion, and the second one is sand being used a quarter proportion in concrete. For making concrete,
cement
Use synonyms
 and water are used
small
Change preposition
in small
show examples
 percentages with 15% and 10%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement, materials with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • construction
  • cement-making
  • raw materials
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • heating
  • grinding
  • cement powder
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • versatility
  • strength
  • aggregate
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