IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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Government
Use synonyms
 investment in the arts,
such
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 as music and theatre, is a waste of
money
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. Governments must invest
this
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money
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 in public
services
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instead
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. To what extent do you agree with
this
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 statement? It is claimed that the authority funding in the
art
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, including music and theatre that waste of
money
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.
However
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,some people believe that
government
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 must devote
this
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money
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
services
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. It seems to me that,
i
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I
show examples
 think that both
art
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 and public
services
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 bring about many different benefits to our community. On the one hand, everyone knows
art
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 is the voice of
a
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apply
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society.
As a result
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, to fund
art
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 is to encourage the expression of society, not only
about
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apply
show examples
that
art
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 is the development and pursuit of new ideas.
Moreover
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,
art
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 is a window into the past and reconnects today's generation with previous ones.
Therefore
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, it creates new creative movements.An illustration of
this
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 is,
European
Correct article usage
the European
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government
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 continues to fund museums and exhibitions despite being unable to
gerate
Correct your spelling
generate
grate
 on a commercial
basic
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basis
show examples
.
Thus
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, it helps to showcase their own heritage and culture and inspire future generations.
On the other hand
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest
money
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 in public
services
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 to ensure a more immediate benefit to the population because public
services
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 are enjoyed by most of a country's population.
For instance
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, healthcare is one of the public
services
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 that keep
human's
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humans
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health
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healthy
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 and create high-quality jobs.
Besides
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 that, the economic effects are more immediate than investments in
art
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. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
 argue that there are various benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 and public
services
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.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest in both.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction presents a clear position and outlines the main points of your essay. Additionally, provide a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position clearly.
task achievement
Be sure to fully address the prompt. Present clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
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