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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #five #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the percentage of
Anthropology
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who had different choices after they graduated from one university.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the table
presentes
Correct your spelling
presents
 the data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 get after 5 working years.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are various destinations that
students
Use synonyms
 choose after they graduated, but in general, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 take part in
full - time
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 after their graduation.
Besides
Linking Words
 , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
anthropology
Add an article
the anthropology
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 get
well- paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 after their 5
years's
Remove the s
years'
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. The number of
Anthropology
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 working full-time makes up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over half. The record of
students
Use synonyms
 working part-time and not working is 15% and 12% respectively. 8% is the proportion of full-time
post grad
Add a hyphen
post-grad
show examples
 study and it is the same as
students
Use synonyms
 who did not know their destination to
work
Use synonyms
 after graduation.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 just 5% is
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 postgraduate. The level of salary
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
predicted for
Anthropology
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
freelance is increasing each period, 5% in 25000-49000 , 15% in 50000-74,999and 40% in 100000.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the private corporation diverged generally with 10% in the lowest income range. 35% earning 50000-74,999,
while
Linking Words
, 25% and 30%
students
Use synonyms
 earning 75,000-99,9999 and 100000 respectively.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words anthropology, students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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