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Band 5.5

The topic priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibility. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#topic #priority #businesses #money #responsibility
Many entrepreneurs think that the main purpose is making
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 and they do not need to be responsible for society. In my point of view, I totally disagree with the statement and there are some reasons in the essay
Firstly
, work can have a big impact on a
country
. It can be seen as the development of each
country
 based on the developed trade and their fame. But each developed
country
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
poor people, homeless people or the elderly and they need capital from the government
whereas
 the government's income has come from tax.
Secondly
, if the topic priority of the business is making
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 but does not care about being responsible for society, that
field
's value will decrease dramatically in several months.
For example
, if a
field
 wants to improve and separate
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 fame from other nations but they do not have the notion of the citizens in their
country
, it can not be improved.
Thirdly
, a
country
 that wants to develop needs to improve every side including entertainment,... To date, we can see that there are lots of new programmes appearing on TV and all of them need the investment from trade and it gives benefits both.
For example
, a programme can be produced and broadcast to everyone
needs
Correct pronoun usage
who needs
show examples
property
Add an article
the property
show examples
 to make and the employment
invest
Change the verb form
invests
show examples
 property in that programme to attract their customers. In conclusion, making capital should not be the topic priority of
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 if they want their
field
 can stay longer in the business world

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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