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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Task one( Test 10) The chart shows the proportion of working age adults in four countries from 1960 to 2015. Units are given in percentages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Task one( Test 10) The chart shows the proportion of working age adults in four countries from 1960 to 2015. Units are given in percentages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Overall
Linking Words
, there was a decreasing trend in all
of
Change preposition
apply
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four countries in
working
Correct article usage
the working
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age
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
. In 1960, the percentage of the
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
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age
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 was highest in Germany
with
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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just over 65,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was in the United States
with
Change preposition
at
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 roughly 60. In France and
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
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this
Linking Words
 percentage was somewhere between 60 and 65. Japan's
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
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age
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 increased substantially and reached a peak of approximately 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1985
then
Linking Words
 it decreased substantially and
finally
Linking Words
 reached just over 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2050, which is the lowest among others. Germany
also
Linking Words
 saw fluctuations and reached a peak of roughly 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1990,
then
Linking Words
 it decreased too, but at
slower
Add an article
a slower
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 rate than Japan, and eventually ,in 2050, it was roughly 55
Use synonyms
percent
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per cent
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. United state's working
age
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 did not
changed
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change
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 a lot, with some fluctuations it came back to
initial
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the initial
an initial
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 position of 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
However
Linking Words
,
overall
Linking Words
, France's
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
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age
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 decreased, it reached a peak of just over 65 in 1990,
then
Linking Words
 decreased until 2050, in which it was just over 55
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, population, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantially" was used 2 times.
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