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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The supplied data table describes the amount of
population
Use synonyms
 size,
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. As a general trend, the
population
Use synonyms
 size
rate
Use synonyms
 increased overwhelmingly after the 19th century in England and Wales.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 declined after 1800 started
while
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 after 1950 went upward.   It could be noticed that the
population
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 size
rate
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 of England and Wales started
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 3
million
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 in 1700,
then
Linking Words
 after 50 years the
population
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rate
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 went as high as 10
million
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. During the next 50
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 the
population
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rate
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 declined
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 3
million
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 in 1800. Again after 50
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 it increased from nearly 3
million
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 up to 10
million
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 in 1850.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, that year the
rate
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 rapidly increased
almost
Change preposition
by almost
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 45
million
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population
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 in 1900.
However
Linking Words
, in the following
centuries
Add a comma
,centuries
show examples
 the
rate
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 reached 50
million
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 in 2000.   The
birth
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rate
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death
Use synonyms
 followed a similar trend from 1700 to 1950.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1700 to 1750, an increase was seemed both these. The
birth
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rate
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 rose from 30 to 40 per 1000
people
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while
Linking Words
 the
death
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rate
Use synonyms
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 from around 27 to 37 per 1000
people
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. From 1750 to 1800 the
rate
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 mode was steadiness
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
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rates
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. After which there was a heavy fall with both
rates
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 reaching an all-time low of around 20 per thousand
people
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 by 1950. from that year, the faltering begins
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
birth
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rate
Use synonyms
 climbs roughly 34 per 1000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 the
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plateau from 1950 to 2000.  
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
started with the lowest number around 3
million
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. It rocketed in three centuries,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
constituted 50
million
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 in 2000 with a stabilized period between 1750 to 1850 at 10
million
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.
While
Linking Words
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Add a comma
,rate
show examples
 they were almost the same, in the
last
Linking Words
 between 1950 to 2000 changes
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occurred.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, birth, death, rates, rate, million, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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