IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The percentage of people who were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting this main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart compares three different places inside and outside
Australia
, namely cities, towns, and rural areas, in terms of changes in the proportion of
people
 who are given
birth
 at two specific timelines.
Overall
, the statistic of
people
 who are born
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cities in 1995 witnessed an upward trend over a period of 15 years.
In contrast
, there was a downward trend
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 newborn babies in town between 1995 and 2010. As can be seen from the chart, in 1995,
people
 born in
Australia
 and outside
Australia
 were the highest figures, accounting for 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively. Not only was the ratio highest in 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the percentage who were born in cities in 2010.
In addition
, there were few marginal developments in terms of
people
 who were given
birth
 both inside and outside
this
 nation, in 2010,
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 up around 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for each. A striking feature is that the percentage of
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 babies outside
this
 country reached
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
show examples
 of 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010. There was an
overall
 downward trend in figures for all levels of giving
birth
 in other groups
such
 as towns and rural areas throughout the period shown . It can be observed clearly that the giving
birth
 rates both inside and outside
Australia
 declined moderately, from approximately 20 and 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 18 and 16
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Finally
, a noticeable feature is the proportion of
people
 who are born in rural areas outside
Australia
 was recorded at 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but
then
 in 2010, it is followed by a plummet to only 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: