The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A significant change has been observed in the conditions of females for many years in many societies.
However
, equality of gender
seems hardly to be claimed in these societies. Undoubtedly, a change in the position
of a woman
cannot be ignored, ,
Change the punctuation
apply
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
gender
disparity has not been removed still.
Women
are respected in today's world as in the past since they are being educated, employed and awarded. Girls have raised their position
like men
as they go for earning
money. The more they Change preposition
to earn
are achieving
education, the more they are awarded Wrong verb form
achieve
towards
their rights which leads to a respected situation Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
them
in society. What is more, unlike uneducated previous females, today's girl does not only work at home but Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
does not keep silent against violence on
Change preposition
apply
her
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Consequently
, this
has improved the position
of a woman
.
Paradoxically, instead
of having a better position
in society, women
are not treated equally like a man. Being a woman
, she has to perform all the responsibilities including care of a baby, and domestic work even though she comes from a job which shows that there is no gender
equality in society. For example
, a report from Sample
Survey Office in Delhi in 2021 shows that 20% more Correct article usage
the Sample
women
than men
are living under pressure and facing health problems due to
work-load. Additionally
, the profound influence of a man's decision on a woman
is not ignorable. Unfortunately, women
cannot do any job if they are not allowed. Men
's opinions are given priority.
In conclusion, although
the position
of women
goes through many changes over many years, they are still treated differently than men
. Gender
equality is likely to be achieved when more education and facilities would be
provided to Wrong verb form
are
women
.Submitted by kk9969840 on
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task response
Your essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents some relevant ideas. However, it would benefit from a more balanced argument and clearer development of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, but the development of main points lacks coherence and organization. Use transition words and logical progression of ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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