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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table demonstrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
participation
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 of
women
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 in three companies
Eldan
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Ltd
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,
Bamforth
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,
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Finsbury
Correct word choice
and Finsbury
show examples
Ltd
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 between 1975 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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participation
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 of
women
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 in
Eldan
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Ltd
Use synonyms
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
 change between 1975 and 2015
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 3%. But between 1980 and 2000 the
percentage
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participation
Use synonyms
 of
women
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 from 3% to 33%. Having dramatically about
Use synonyms
participation
Add an article
the participation
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 of
Eldan
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2015. the
Eldan
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 have the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 about
percentage
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participation
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 of
women
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 in three companies. It can be seen from the graph that the
percentage
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participation
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 of
women
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 of
Bamforth
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Ltd
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 an increase from 9% to 17% between 1975 and 2000. But in
Bamforth
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 have is
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
participation
Use synonyms
 of
women
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 from 17% to 46% between 2000 and 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
Finsbury
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 the
percentage
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participation
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 of
women
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an oscillation
such
Linking Words
 as: between 1975 and 1980 having a decrease from 16% to 14%,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
women
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climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 from 14% to 22% between 1980 and 1990, but between 1990 and 2000 the
Finsbury
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Ltd
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 have a fall from 22% to 20%, having considerably between 2000 and 2015 from 20% to 26%.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Finsbury
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Ltd
Use synonyms
 isn't more
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 than
Bamforth
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
participation
Add an article
the participation
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 between 1975 and 2015.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, participation, women, eldan, ltd, bamforth, finsbury with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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