IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Writing Task 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

Writing Task 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
These
Change the determiner
This
show examples
 bar chart depicts the proportion from 1995 to 2010 of
citizenes
Correct your spelling
citizens
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
 and who were born in it but living in urban between;
cities
,
towns
,
rural
Correct word choice
and rural
show examples
areas
. It is clear from the graph that the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who born in
Australia
 and outside it are their number is more than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 regions
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 15 years.
According to
 what is shown,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
 in the main
cities
 in 1995
almost
Add a missing verb
were almost
show examples
 50 and after 15 years
was increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 only by 10 children. and in 2010
tne
Correct your spelling
the
 figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in
towns
 and
areas
steady
Add a missing verb
was steady
show examples
 at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 level only ten. but
1995
Change preposition
in 1995
show examples
towns
 inside
this
 nation
Add a missing verb
were about
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rural
areas
 almost 30
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
show examples
.
Add a missing verb
were.
show examples
 Meanwhile,
people
 born outside
Australia
 in 1995 specifically
areas
 were 40 and the
towns
 1/4 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
comparied
Correct your spelling
compared
 with it. In 2010 the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
cities
ware
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
hgih
Correct your spelling
higher
 percentage than
towns
Change preposition
in towns
show examples
 and
areas
.
To sum up
, we could say that the
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 prefer to
born
Add a missing verb
be born
show examples
 in
cities
 whether in
Australia
 or
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
 of it, and the
towns
 are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 numbers of
citizenes aruond
Correct your spelling
citizens around
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Submitted by ms4066426 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, cities, towns, areas, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: