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Band 5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
Nowadays big
salary
 and
job
 satisfaction is a paramount issue
that is
 getting worse and worse.A significant amount of
people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
salary
 is more important than
jon
Correct your spelling
job
 satisfaction
however
 I strongly believe that,
job
 satisfaction is much more important than your big
salary
. I would argue that if someone does not enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
work
that’s
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 mean that he cannot earn enough
money
due to
 he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not want to
their
Add a missing verb
do their
show examples
 business. To kick things off, the
work
 we will do after graduating
university
Change preposition
from university
show examples
 is paramount important because of our business life.
Besides
, a person who does not like her
job
 cannot gain enough
money
.
For instance
, there are some
people
 who think that if I enter a successful
bussines
Correct your spelling
business
 I will have a big
salary
however
 it is not like that there are
Add an article
a
show examples
variety of
people
 who do what they
into
Add a missing verb
are into
show examples
 and have a
salary
. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top of that, If you want to have a good
job
, you have to
work
 for it first and
then
 improve yourself so you have to
work
 and earn
money
then
 you have to save it .In my experience, there's nothing
people
 won't do for
money
, so they choose which
job
 will make them
money
 rather than what they love to do. In conclusion, business and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
money
 is the biggest problem of these times so it is always more advantageous for you to do the
job
 you love and earn
money
.I am sure that anyone who finds the right
job
 for herself will have
money
.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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