IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that governments should take a large portion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A large part of the population holds the view that the government should invest a large portion of people's earnings in public services, but others might not agree with
this
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 view. I will be discussing both views and state my opinion on
this
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 matter. On the one hand, a large number of people, including me, consider that high customs is an awful idea.
Firstly
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, high taxes hurt the poor.
As a result
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 of
this
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, individuals do not have enough money to spend on basic needs
such
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 as food or clothing.
Secondly
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, the citizens living in corrupt countries might not trust the government with their money. I think the governments should cut the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in certain areas and use them to pay for necessary public services.
For instance
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, the US spends about 750 billion dollars on the military, which is fifty times more than any other country in the world. The money spent on
military
Add an article
the military
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 could be
instead
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 spent on the population.
On the other hand
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, high taxes allow the country to build
higher quality
Add a hyphen
higher-quality
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 roads and schools. Undoubtedly, proper roads and education
has
Change the verb form
have
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 an important role to play in our lives.
Furthermore
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, tariffs allow education to be free of charge, which allows the less well-off
acquire
Fix the infinitive
to acquire
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 a basic education and get employed.
For example
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, Norway offers these public services to the population.
Hence
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, the poverty rate has declined. In conclusion,
although
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 high taxes do provide lots of benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, I think the government should
instead
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 reallocate their expenses on more important things,
such
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 as roads, schools and helping the poor.

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language
Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your writing.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your own opinion in the introduction and conclusion to provide a clear stance throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the sentences within the paragraphs are well-linked to maintain coherence.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion, which helps readability.
examples
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the reference to military spending and Norway's public services.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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