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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar graph shows the consumption of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
ownership
Use synonyms
 during 2002 to 2010 and the level of education from 2002 to 2010 the displayed
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of No high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma, High
school
Use synonyms
 graduate, College, Bachelor’s degree and Postgraduate qualification. The graph
revels
Correct your spelling
reveals
show examples
 the following Important facts.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 was sharply
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 from 2002 to 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 by education level
also
Linking Words
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2002 to 2010.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2002,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
, there
were climb
Change the verb form
climbed
show examples
 from 55
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2002 to 75
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2010. There
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 dramatically
increase
Change the form of the verb
increased
show examples
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 25
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 by education level. In 2002, there were over 15 % from No high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma and 35% from high
school
Use synonyms
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 less than but in 2010, has
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 35% and 60%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the college, Bachelor’s degree and postgraduate qualification
were grow
Change the verb form
were grown
were growing
show examples
 from 55%, 65% and 75% in 2002 to over 75% which postgraduate qualification was higher In 90 % in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, school with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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