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Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification Competition and Self Motivation Pressure and Concentrate on one field

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #competition #self #motivation #pressure #field
A few graduate students want to explore and gain
the
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apply
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knowledge
on
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in
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 other subjects.
However
, others argue that concentration should lean towards gaining
the
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a
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 degree.
This
 essay will discuss both
the
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apply
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views. There are many reasons that
makes
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make
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 people like to explore new things
while
 they are
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
 their education, I argue that there is always
a
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apply
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room for learning new things.
Firstly
,
this
 may
because
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be because
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 of being
compititive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 and
want
Wrong verb form
wanting
show examples
 to participate in different carrier choices.
For example
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 we are seeing the trend of software technology, my cousin who had
persued
Correct your spelling
pursued
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 electronics engineering now working as a programmer in one of the leading software
company
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companies
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.
Secondly
, an individual interest, there are people who want to explore
on
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apply
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different
field
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fields
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.
For example
, Elon
musk
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Musk
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who
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apply
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is into car manufacturing and
simultaniously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
in
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to
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 the space region. These are two different topics but united for the
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
persons'
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 interest.
While
 others think to concentrate on
degree
Add an article
the degree
show examples
 and they are some good reasons for that.
Firstly
, involving and learning a different subject will trigger
the
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apply
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pressure and anxiety, as students are really young and
frigile
Correct your spelling
fragile
. In recent articles
the
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apply
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scientists are seeing
the
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an
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 increase in depressed students and they mainly think
this
 is because of pressure.
Secondly
, employers are looking for higher GPA candidates. In initial internship
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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opportunity
Add a comma
,opportunity
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 many companies are keeping a cutoff on GPA. So it clearly says that higher GPA candidates are only
eigible
Correct your spelling
eligible
 for an evaluation. I conclude that
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 a few
sector
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sectors
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of
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apply
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people believe that all should be
a
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apply
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qualification centric,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 I strongly think that a
persons
Change noun form
person's
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competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 spirit and personal motivation will make them
to
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apply
show examples
learn new things.
Submitted by avssrde on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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