IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
This
 given bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
who
Correct word choice
how
show examples
 many employees from two gender groups have been working in different types of occupations in Australia during the
last
 year.
Overall
,
while
 a sizeable majority of
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 population have been clerical,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge number of men have been working in
trade
Correct article usage
the trade
show examples
 realm as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
.
Furthermore
, a insignificant number of ladies worked
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trade person and in the field of production
whereas
 a minority of men's community were
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
. At first glance,
it is clear that
 being trade
people
 and clerical were the two most common jobs among men and more than 800000
people
 were doing these
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 activities
while
 working as a clerk and a professional were the most regular jobs among women by working more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 700000
people
 in those realms.
Moreover
, the less frequent occupations among females have been working as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business woman
Correct your spelling
businesswoman
show examples
 and working in production fields by 100000 ladies who were doing
this
 types of jobs
while
 less frequent works among males were working as a
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and a
semi professional
Add a hyphen
semi-professional
show examples
 employees respectively by 500000 and
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 hired
people
 in these job positions.
Submitted by m.v.g1371 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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