IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #show #prevalence #obesity #boys #girls #years #ethnicity #states #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph explains the proportion of overweight
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys and girls aged
from12
Correct your spelling
from 12
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 19 in the US
accoring
Correct your spelling
according
 to their background, in 2004 and 2014. Generally speaking, what stands out from
diagram
Correct article usage
the diagram
show examples
 is that in 2014 the percentage of obesity was higher among all studied groups. In 2004,
hispanic
Correct your spelling
Hispanics
 was the
most fat
Change the adjective
fattest
show examples
 group with 13%,
while
non-
Change the capitalization
non-Hispanic
show examples
hispanic
 white placed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
second with only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
.
Similarly
,
non
Add a hyphen
non-hispanic
show examples
hispanic
 black people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the least overweight
catagory
Correct your spelling
category
 with 11% and 1% difference with
Add an article
a non-hispanic
show examples
non-
Change the capitalization
non-Hispanic
show examples
hispanic
 white. In 2014, same as 2004,
hispanic
Correct your spelling
Hispanics
 had the highest percentage of fat people with 27%.
However
, the
cahnge
Correct your spelling
change
 between each bracket was much greater
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to ten years ago, and the figure for non-
hispanic
 white and
non
Add a hyphen
non-hispanic
show examples
hispanic
 black was 17% and 20%
respectivaly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by johnny sins on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hispanic with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: