1.) Some people think that having a set retirement age (eg. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that a certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement
It was taught by certain people that the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
should be equal for everyone without considering the different types of occupations and pensions Use synonyms
should be
for some workers at an earlier Verb problem
apply
age
. In my opinion. I disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement. Linking Words
In addition
, I opine that high-risk jobs and volunteers are supposed to get benefits from early Linking Words
retirement
.
First of all, despite its Use synonyms
benefit
and importance, each job’s Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
retirement
Use synonyms
age
should be decided depending on different kinds of risks and how much effort it takes to Use synonyms
become
these careers. Verb problem
achieve
Otherwise
, risky and hard jobs will not be given justice in their working life. Linking Words
For example
, a petrochemical worker who works with dangerous gases should get an earlier Linking Words
retirement
, compared to a teacher whose job Use synonyms
was
to take a lower risk and easier to be. The elders who have more experience than the rookies are still necessary in every industry. Wrong verb form
is
Nevertheless
, the more Linking Words
age
affects their working abilities. Should some careers become older, these workers will lead to several problems in their working process Use synonyms
as well as
the company itself, including society. Linking Words
For instance
, An ageing bus driver whose awareness of safety on the road is a must during his working hours may suffer an accident, which brings about not only a mistake but a possible deathLinking Words
Rephrase
apply
also
.
Linking Words
However
, even though every job should get welfare from early Linking Words
retirement
, a higher-risk career who has been working in danger should benefit from the organization significantly. Or else, no one wants to be a high-risk worker because the reward Use synonyms
does
not worth the danger. For another instance. Verb problem
is
Solider
and police have been taking a number of unpredictable situations that can steal their soul. Nowadays, most governments in the world established a provident fund for the working class, Correct your spelling
Soliders
on the other hand
, these prizes haven’t been given to a volunteer to improve our world. It isn’t fair. Linking Words
Therefore
, the Senate which is the place of representative citizens is supposed to design or revise the equitable law.
Linking Words
To conclude
, I disagree with Linking Words
this
topic, because suitable time not only depends on Linking Words
age
but is supposed to rely on risk and hardness, including workability. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, high-risk jobs and volunteers should Linking Words
get
benefit from their organization outstanding.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by amittawin on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction should introduce the topic and clearly state your position, while your conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with relevant examples and explanations to support your argument. Each paragraph should elaborate on a single main idea with clear and pertinent examples that effectively back up your points.
lexical resource
Use a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Avoid repetition of words and try to use synonyms to demonstrate lexical resource. Employing complex and less common vocabulary can enrich your essay.
grammatical range
Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and accuracy. This includes mixing simple and complex sentence constructions. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation to improve the overall grammatical quality of your writing.