IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
For most people, having a
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfactory
show examples
job
 is considered to be better than high remuneration. I completely agree with
this
 view because I think that choose a
job
 you love, and you will never have to
work
 a day in your life.
Firstly
, a suitable major, interest, and workplace could increase productivity for
employees
 and improve loyalty towards them.
This
 occurs because appropriate for capacity and hobbies in
this
work
 of
employees
 which leads to more dedication to
work
, and a serious attitude, so that make increases productivity, and improves loyalty
toward
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
, some reports said that dissatisfaction at
work
 is one of the things that makes it easy for
employees
 to give up their jobs.
Moreover
, choosing the
job
 depends on a high wage,
employees
 who do not enjoy or feel dissatisfied with their
job
, often do not have loyalty to the
job
 and are easily tempted by better
work
. Not only that
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
Job
 satisfaction
also
 helps better physical health. A comfortable and stress-free
work
 environment promotes relaxation
while
 passionate
work
 motivates
employees
.
In contrast
, workers who only focus on wages often suffer from anxiety, depression, and stress which can lead to
job
 dissatisfaction and turnover, even if influence their health.
For instance
, we easily see many cases, where
employees
 have high pay but are absent from
work
 to go hometown. One of the reasons is pressure and stress because of
work
. All in all, I know that a big salary brings to live a high-class life;
however
,
work
 satisfaction is extremely important to a happy life, health, and achieving goals.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: