IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third year Computer Science course at a Canadian college. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third year Computer Science course at a Canadian college. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #students #third #year #computer #science #course #canadian #college #summarise #information #report #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates how many
students
Use synonyms
 from five foreign
countries
Use synonyms
 enrolled in a
third year
Add a hyphen
third-year
show examples
 computer science course at a Canadian college.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
students
Use synonyms
 is larger than that of male ones, and women tend to choose
net working
Add a hyphen
net-working
show examples
 core
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 compared to men. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from China, including 8 men and 9 women, is the largest in the graph. And more than
three fourths
Add a hyphen
three-fourths
show examples
 of female
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in
network
Correct article usage
the network
show examples
 core option,
although
Linking Words
 only
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 eighth of male
students
Use synonyms
 chose that option.
This
Linking Words
 tendency is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as in
students
Use synonyms
 from Singapore and Malaysia
while
Linking Words
 the student’s
number
Use synonyms
 from both
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 is smaller than that of China.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
show examples
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of women is smaller than that of men. Focusing on France female
students
Use synonyms
 who entered in
net working
Correct your spelling
networking
show examples
 option do not exist
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
show examples
 to other
countries
Use synonyms
’
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
. The table provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data about journeys made by different forms of
transport
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as;
car
Use synonyms
, bicycle, public
transport
Use synonyms
 and on foot in four
countries
Use synonyms
 including
Canada
Use synonyms
, Belgium, Germany and
Correct article usage
the Netherland
show examples
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
show examples
. And the bar chart illustrates the result of a survey about
car
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 is much more popular than other transportation in all
countries
Use synonyms
, and in
Canada
Use synonyms
, the main reasons that people
use
Use synonyms
 cars are
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for work and
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of other methods. Focusing on
car
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
, it is the most popular mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 in each country, especially in
Canada
Use synonyms
, 90%
journeys
Change preposition
of journeys
show examples
 are made by
car
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
bike
Add an article
the bike
show examples
 is the least popular means in almost all
countries
Use synonyms
, it has great popularity following the
car
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the Netherland
show examples
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
show examples
 and 26% of journeys are made by
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
 in the nation. Examining public
transport
Use synonyms
 and on foot, they are used as modes for travel at about 10% on average. Considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
, Canadians
use
Use synonyms
 cars mainly because of
Correct pronoun usage
their needs
show examples
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for work or no alternatives.
Also
Linking Words
, there are some other reasons,
for example
Linking Words
, cars are convenient,
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 is quicker than other
transport
Use synonyms
 and they have to work nightshift.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, overall".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, countries, number, transport, car, canada, use with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrollment
  • overseas students
  • third year
  • Computer Science course
  • Canadian college
  • trends
  • plateau
  • significant changes
  • economic factors
  • educational reputation
  • dynamics
  • implications
  • resource planning
  • classroom diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: