The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar chart compares the proportion of
men
and
women
who did daily physical exercises in different
age
categories during 2010.
Overall
, it can be seen that the
percentage
of
women
who had routine exercise increased when their
age
of them become more and more.
However
, in the
men
category with increasing
age
of them, the
percentage
of
men
who had regular activity decreased.
Men
had the highest
percentage
of daily exercise with 52.8% in the 15 to 24
age
category.
Although
this
trend fell down and reach the minimum point with only 39.2% of
men
between 35 to 44 years old.
However
, in higher
age
categories, the
percentage
of them recovered and increased to 46.7 % in 65 and over
men
.
On the other hand
, from the 47.7 % of
women
between 15 to 24 who did exercise there is an increase and they reached a peak of 53.3 % in the 45 to 54
age
category.
Although
, at higher ,ages it became lower and
finally
declined to 47.1 % in
women
who were 65 and over years old.
Submitted by sajjad on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, however".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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