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Band 4.5

The two pie charts illustrate some employment patterns by sex in Great Britain in 1992, while the table below shows the occupations of each manual and non-manual.

The two pie charts illustrate some employment patterns by sex in Great Britain in 1992, while the table below shows the occupations of each manual and non-manual.
#two #employment #patterns #sex #britain #occupations
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The two pie charts illustrate some employment patterns by sex in Great Britain in 1992,
while
Linking Words
 the table below shows the occupations of each manual and non-manual.
Overall
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, the female group has a lot of non-manual
criteries
Correct your spelling
criteria
criterion
,
whereas
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male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 occupation has almost both manual and non-manual
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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. As we can see there is noticeably 31 per cent of clerical or related
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 prevailing to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, but
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 job has only a tiny minority (6 per cent).
However
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, there are 24 per cent of
craft
Add an article
the craft
show examples
 of similar class in
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 faction,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 has only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3% in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 occupation. There are,
also
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 fewer interested
works
Replace the word
workers
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 among them
such
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 as general labourers
moreover
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 other non-manual classes.
To sum up
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, there was managerial and professional
as well as
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 other manual occupations that male and female both engaged in.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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