IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

it is illegal for employers to rejecting a person applying for a job because of her or his age . Negative or positive development.

#employers #person #job #age #development
Given is a bar chart illustrating how the traffic
accidents
 on bustling streets with bringing in additional
lanes
 were constructed on them all. As is given to us, after building the extra
lanes
, the times of
accidents
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, albeit to different degrees. At the same time, it is evident that the reduction of M5 was the most remarkable, and
this
 data diminished from 17 to 7 per metre,followed by M1, which was slumping from 13 to 5.
By contrast
,the decline of M2 and M3
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 slight, dropping by 2,
although
 the figure for M2 was as much as M5 before construction,up to 17, after doing
this
, M2 was still the most dangerous load in 5 roads. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
other roads, the number of
accidents
 before and after constructing the specialized
lanes
 in M3 counted for the least, There was a similar pattern in M4, after building up those
lanes
 ,the times of them is 2.
Overall
, constructing the extra
lanes
 is beneficial for 5 roads to cut down the number of
accidents
,especially for M5.
Submitted by mygpablo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: