IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English in 2000 and 2010 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English in 2000 and 2010 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english #information #features #comparison
The
pies
Change the noun form
pie
show examples
 chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of
studnets
Correct your spelling
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Britain at one university
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 England that could talk another
language
also
 English in both years, 2000 and 2010.
It is clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
students
 spoke just
spainsh
Correct your spelling
Spanish
 in both years.
By contrast
, speaking
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any
language
 dramatically decreased in 2010.
One third
Add a hyphen
One-third
show examples
 of British
students
 were able to
spainsh
Correct your spelling
Spanish
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 at almost 30% ln 200 and 2010.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
while
 only 15% of British
students
 spoke
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another
language
 in 2000, rising to 20% in 2010. The proportion of
students
 who talk just
English
Correct article usage
the English
show examples
language
 fell from 20% in 2000 to only 10% in 2010, which was
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 decrease in half.
Similarly
, the number of
pepil
Correct your spelling
pupil
people
 of speaking
French
Change the article
the French
show examples
language
 was very poor
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 from 15% to just 10% over the 10-year period.
finally
, talking
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 German and two
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
 was without any change,at about
jsut
Correct your spelling
just
 10% in both years.
Submitted by alizadehfaeze1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words language, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: