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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagrams show how the bee makes honey and the stages in the production of honey. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams show how the bee makes honey and the stages in the production of honey. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and making comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #bee #honey #stages #production #information #features #comparisons
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The diagrams provide information about some steps of making
honey
Use synonyms
 by bees and its production by people. Looking from the
overall
Linking Words
 perspective it is readily apparent that both ways of production are very complex and consist of
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of actions. With regards to natural
honey
Use synonyms
, its making has six crucial steps.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a queen bee
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 an egg in a honeycomb which
transfer
Change the verb form
transfers
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transffer
Correct your spelling
transfer
 to a larva in three days.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in one week larva is fully grown, and in three weeks bees are leaving the hive. It is known that they
are gathering
Wrong verb form
gather
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 nectar from flowers and
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
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 it in the hive,
consequently
Linking Words
,
honey
Use synonyms
 could be made.
According to
Linking Words
 artificial manufacturing, the beekeeper should remove the honeycomb from the hive.
Additionally
Linking Words
, special equipment is used in order to extract the product.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
honey
Use synonyms
 is boiled in order to clean it,
then
Linking Words
 it is
putted
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 in jars.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 distribution and selling could be realised.
Submitted by sofsya.fedorenko.2001 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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