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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Few people think that it is important for collecting personal information such interest, hobbies and material status. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #information #interest #hobbies #status
Collecting personal
data
 might be necessary for some
people
. They
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
usually
collecting
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
information
such
 as
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
,
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
, and material
data
.
This
 can help them to remember about their personalization.
On the other hand
,
people
 should be worried
to share
Change preposition
about sharing
show examples
 their
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
. Sometimes, companies want to know about our personal
information
 for background checking criteria. Those can be our
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
,
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
, or material
status
.
For instance
, our interest can help them to place the best position for us when we are working in the office.
Second,
material
status
 is being used when companies try to dig down our financial history. Sometimes, financial
status
 can be done from the bank so it will support their
data
 to hire us.
Finally
,
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 can be shared by
people
 who have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 leisure
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
This
 condition can create other opportunities for growing the connection around the
people
 in the office or something more.
On the contrary
, sharing our personal
information
 might be dangerous because
people
 can use our
data
 to do something malicious. To illustrate, our material
status
 can be seen by
others
. Sometimes, bad guys can sell our
data
 on the dark web so they will manipulate our
data
 to buy or loan something on the internet without our permission.
Besides
, a lot of activities called phishing can be generated by bad guys for impersonating us.
This
 situation really makes
horrible
Correct article usage
a horrible
show examples
 experience so we must
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 and protect our personal
information
 securely.
To conclude
, there are two sides
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sharing or collecting our personal
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
. For me, it will be better, if we protect our
data
 or
information
 securely.
This
 means we do not have to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
 unless they are trusted.
Submitted by irhamtaufiqurrahman on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalization
  • Tailoring
  • Preferences
  • Targeted marketing
  • Efficiency
  • Insights
  • Strategies
  • Fraud prevention
  • Privacy invasion
  • Data security risks
  • Manipulation
  • Exploitation
  • Discrimination
  • Consent
  • Sensitive information
  • Unauthorized access
  • Data breaches
  • Third parties
  • Discriminatory practices
  • Fairly
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