IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantage of change outweighs the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 hold an opinion that
athletes
Use synonyms
 are not good role models for children.
While
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this
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 may be true for some
people
Use synonyms
, I believe that
athletes
Use synonyms
 are excellent idols for young
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there are some
athletes
Use synonyms
 who create scandals, influencing young
people
Use synonyms
 in a bad manner. To be more precise, it is now common to see
athletes
Use synonyms
 that consume narcotics , rape women, and avoid taxes, which are all examples of unethical behaviours.
Therefore
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, if
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 sees his favourite athlete
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 any of the aforementioned behaviours, he might be influenced in a bad manner.
For instance
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, football
playe
Correct your spelling
player
players
 Jayson Greenwood has recently been
acused
Correct your spelling
accused
 of rape of his girlfriend.
Consequently
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, children who see their favourite football player rape
other woman
Change the wording
another woman
other women
show examples
 might consider it as normal, having a bad impact on them.
On the other hand
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, since most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
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 come from
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
show examples
 families, they usually motivate
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation to work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. It is because young
people
Use synonyms
 are able to put
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 in
shoes
Correct article usage
the shoes
show examples
 of their idols who
also
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 had a bad living. My cousin,
for example
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, wanted to become
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 football
play
Replace the word
player
show examples
 when he saw one game of Leonel Messi. He was,
furtehrmore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, motivated after he learned that L.Messi was from a
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
show examples
 family.
As a result
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, even though it is unlikely that he is going to achieve his dream, he will be able to be closer to his full potential . In conclusion, I think that
athletes
Use synonyms
 are mostly good role models for children despite some of them
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 unethical actions.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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