It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantage of change outweighs the disadvantages?

Nowadays, some
people
hold an opinion that
athletes
are not good role models for children.
While
this
may be true for some
people
, I believe that
athletes
are excellent idols for young
people
. On the one hand, there are some
athletes
who create scandals, influencing young
people
in a bad manner. To be more precise, it is now common to see
athletes
that consume narcotics , rape women, and avoid taxes, which are all examples of unethical behaviours.
Therefore
, if
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
sees his favourite athlete
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
any of the aforementioned behaviours, he might be influenced in a bad manner.
For instance
, football
playe
Correct your spelling
player
players
Jayson Greenwood has recently been
acused
Correct your spelling
accused
of rape of his girlfriend.
Consequently
, children who see their favourite football player rape
other woman
Change the wording
another woman
other women
show examples
might consider it as normal, having a bad impact on them.
On the other hand
, since most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
come from
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
show examples
families, they usually motivate
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation to work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. It is because young
people
are able to put
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
in
shoes
Correct article usage
the shoes
show examples
of their idols who
also
had a bad living. My cousin,
for example
, wanted to become
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
football
play
Replace the word
player
show examples
when he saw one game of Leonel Messi. He was,
furtehrmore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, motivated after he learned that L.Messi was from a
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
show examples
family.
As a result
, even though it is unlikely that he is going to achieve his dream, he will be able to be closer to his full potential . In conclusion, I think that
athletes
are mostly good role models for children despite some of them
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
unethical actions.
Submitted by ruf.eyvazov on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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