IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
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The given table illustrates the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployed
britons
Change the capitalization
Britons
show examples
time
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 over the
last
Linking Words
 year for both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. The data
also
Linking Words
 divided two different
Use synonyms
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 spent by both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 which are morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
. As can be seen
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
from
fourteen
Correct article usage
the fourteen
show examples
 types of
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
, housework is dominantly done by the UK's women who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have a job. Surprisingly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a high percentage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 job hunting and shopping. Based on the previous
year
Change noun form
year's
show examples
 data,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 unemployed spent
time
Use synonyms
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 housework in the morning and 21% of them still continued doing
this
Linking Words
 in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, it is
surprisingly
Change the word
surprising
show examples
 that only over a quarter of them
did
Verb problem
went
show examples
 shopping and another 17% still did it in
day
Correct your spelling
the daytime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, playing sport, drinking and staying in bed is not what they did even though they do not have any jobs as drinking in the morning or
afternoon
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
 represented by less than 9% of them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the Britons who are men were unpredictably more likely to find job vacancy and shopping in the morning with as over a fifth of them killing
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
occassion
Correct your spelling
occasion
.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of those activities
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 decreased to 12 and 9
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 gender
also
Linking Words
 had the same low percentages as the female ones on drinking, playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 in bed both in the morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
 with only below 9%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, afternoon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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