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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Chart illustrates consumptions of three kinds of fast foods by teenagers in Mauritius form 1985 to 2015 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The Chart illustrates consumptions of three kinds of fast foods by teenagers in Mauritius form 1985 to 2015 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
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The given line chart
performs
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the number of
times
Use synonyms
 of consuming fast foods by young people in Mauritius from 1985 to 2015 In general, there are three different junk foods
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most frequently purchased by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers in Mauritius
such
Linking Words
 as hamburgers, pizza and fried chicken
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are showing different trends over the
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown in the data, hamburgers and fried chicken faced an upward movement from the beginning of the years. In 1985, hamburgers were bought ten
times
Use synonyms
 before it continuously increased to the highest point at 70
times
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fried chicken
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 went up steadily and experienced overlapping the others to 60
times
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2005
then
Linking Words
 it
also
Linking Words
 remained stable for the next 5 years before slowly hitting a peak in 2015.
However
Linking Words
, the time consumption of the pizza significantly decreased from the beginning to the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, where it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hit a peak of 60
times
Use synonyms
 at the starting
year
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
finally
Linking Words
 dropped to its lowest point of 10
times
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words times, year with synonyms.
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