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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for diffent purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for diffent purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selection and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #water #diffent #purpose #six #areas #world #summarise #information #selection #features #comparisons
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The pie charts give information about how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 and what kind of
water
Use synonyms
 in six different regions.
Overall
Linking Words
, It shows huge and
ovious diffrencent
Correct your spelling
obvious differences
 in features between North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
 to other worlds
such
Linking Words
 as
Asia
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
 and Africa.
Firstly
Linking Words
, both North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
 are not over half the rate of
water
Use synonyms
 used for agriculture each 39 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 32 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 used for the same purpose in South
America
Use synonyms
, Africa, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South &
East
Correct word choice
and East
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 is over 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, In North
Use synonyms
America
Add a comma
,America
show examples
 the percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 used for Industrial use and Domestic use is 61 per
cent
Use synonyms
. And
Europe
Use synonyms
, like North
America
Use synonyms
, is 68 per
cent
Use synonyms
 over 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
. But the other four areas, South
America
Use synonyms
, Africa, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 are completely different from North
America
Use synonyms
 and
Europe
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 they consume for industry and domestic is not only exceeding half but not even 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by girl21237 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, america, europe, asia, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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