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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Since the 18th century technological advance have replaced people in the workplace. with today's technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#century #advance #people #workplace #technology #process #rate #unemployment
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Nowadays, numerous companies have applied a regulation of employment in their systems. Some of them are covered with highly developed
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 integrated within their daily work basis. I personally agree that
this
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 attachment of modernization has brought the renewal system of working.
Thus
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, I assume that
this
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 phenomenon impacts the unemployment rate today. On the one hand, the primary reason why I agree that
machines
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 have replaced
people
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 in their job fields is that the
technologies
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 which a company embraces are extremely advanced. These
machines
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 may change the number of roles in the workplace. An example of
this
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 is in human-basis positions. Many
people
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 who consider themselves operators have been no longer working for a company. It is because advanced
technologies
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 have taken their occupations since they are eligible to execute more
works
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work
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 than a human does.
On the other hand
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, the other reason why I would argue that advanced
technologies
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 take an account for high rates of unemployment is that
machines
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 and engines are considered valuable for some business holders. They believe that hiring
people
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 will cost much expenditure and human-resource departments should cut
this
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 large budget as they still hire humans to work.
However
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,
machines
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 are pressing
this
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 financial problem because the only thing a machine needs regularly is maintenance by engineers and
this
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 only costs less than paying
people
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 with huge salaries. In conclusion, I totally agree that the background of large numbers of jobless
people
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 is caused by the companies that have been implementing the integration of
technologies
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 within their workplace.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Ensure that all main points and examples are directly related to the topic
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary to express ideas more precisely
grammatical range
Work on sentence structures and grammatical accuracy

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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