IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Nowadays, people tend to go for high-wage jobs, where they have to compromise a lot, especially when it comes to their happiness. I disagree with
this
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 statement and I am going to discuss why they should prioritize jobs with good working environments
instead
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 of looking for jobs that offer them a big amount of
money
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.
To begin
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 with, when it comes to finding a dream job one should consider checking the website of a company that they are planning to apply. Most often, fresh graduates like to make more
money
Use synonyms
 without realizing the stress it is going to cause them in their freshmen years.
In addition
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, most of the time, they have high expectations from people who
work
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 for them as they want them to ace everything when it comes to responsibilities and it often leads to panic attacks and more workload doubles it.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by BBC shows that 63 per cent of the population chose more
money
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 over a comfortable working environment.
Moreover
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, it is often hard to
work
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 in a competitive environment where you have to outperform everybody to get a raise or promotion, which leads to a cold war between employees.
Furthermore
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, weak communication not only affects them mentally but it becomes really hard for them to
work
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 in a situation where they need to communicate with the whole team, especially during staff meetings.
For example
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, individuals who
work
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 in a company with friendly colleagues are likely to produce better results which can help them earn more.
To conclude
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, yes, everyone likes to make big
money
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 in a short span of time, but at what cost? one should focus on a job where they can not only make
money
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 but can
also
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 make good friends,
hence
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 leading to job satisfaction.
Submitted by bbaljinderbrar213 on

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task response
The essay does not present a clear, well-defined argument and fails to address the question effectively. The response mostly lacks logical progression and coherence, resulting in a disjointed and confusing presentation of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and structured organization, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Transitions between ideas are weak, and there is limited use of cohesive devices to connect and develop the main points.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is adequate, but there is a lack of precision in word choice, and the vocabulary used is repetitive. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammar structures and inaccuracies, leading to unclear and awkward expression of ideas. There are issues with verb tense consistency and sentence structure, which affect the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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