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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart below shows the number of students who chose certain university subjects in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of students who chose certain university subjects in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #students #university #subjects #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The above bar chart
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
stundents
Correct your spelling
students
 in 2005
when
Correct word choice
who
show examples
choosing
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 different university subjects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
be comparing between
Wrong verb form
compare
show examples
 the the
males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
show examples
 and
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
 numbers per
subject
Use synonyms
. It is clear to see that law,
litrature
Correct your spelling
literature
, and the arts have the lowest numbers of the total number of
students
Use synonyms
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other subjects. Male
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 figures in law and
litrature
Correct your spelling
literature
 are higher than female
students
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
,
the arts
Change to a genitive case
the subject of the art
the subject of the arts
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 showed an
oppasite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 trend with female
students
Use synonyms
 around four times the number of male
students
Use synonyms
. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sciences
Use synonyms
,
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
, social
sciences
Use synonyms
, and languages have higher numbers of total genders.
Mathmatics
Correct your spelling
Mathematics
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
sciences
Use synonyms
 male
students
Use synonyms
 were
domainating
Correct your spelling
dominating
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 social
sciences
Use synonyms
 and languages were
domainted
Correct your spelling
dominated
 by
females
Change the noun form
female
show examples
students
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
humanties
Correct your spelling
humanities
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 were selected by both female and male
students
Use synonyms
 equally. In conclusion, female
students
Use synonyms
 were leaning towards social
sciences
Use synonyms
, languages, and the arts.
While
Linking Words
, male
students
Use synonyms
 were leaning more towards
sciences
Use synonyms
,
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
,
litreture
Correct your spelling
literature
, and law subjects.
Humanties
Correct your spelling
Humanities
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 were equally
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to both genders.
Submitted by 3zoz.d18 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words subject, students, sciences with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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