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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.
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This
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 picture gives us some information about
Town
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 A and
Town
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 B which
people
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 changed their occupations between 1960 and 2010.
First,
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In 1960 the number of
people
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 who worked in three different jobs almost had a balance in
Town
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 A only fewer
people
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 worked in
services
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 and more
people
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 worked in manufacturing and
then
Linking Words
 most
people
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 in
Town
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 B did manufacturing jobs and only 10
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percentage
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per cent
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 of
people
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 did
services
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 jobs and 20
percentage
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 worked as sales. In 2010 over 64
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percentage
Correct your spelling
per cent of
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people
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 worked in the
services
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 sector in
Town
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 A and
people
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 who worked in manufacturing had
sharp
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a sharp
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 decrease of less than 20
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percentage
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per cent
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. In
Town
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 B, most
people
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 still worked at manufacturers but the number of
services
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 and sales had increased. In conclusion, the working environment has changed in
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 cities for 50 years more
people
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 prefer to work in sales or work in the
services
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 sector.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words town, people, services, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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