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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.
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The display charts show the percentage of people working in different
sectors
Use synonyms
 in
town
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 A and
town
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 B. The data is about 1960, and 2010. The are three
sectors
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 manufacturing,
sales
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 and service. The below information describes data in percentages. In
town
Use synonyms
 A, in the
year
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 1960, the highest was manufacturing with 41%,
sales
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 with 30% and
services
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 was 29%. In the
year
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 2010, the highest was
services
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 with 64%,
sales
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 were 16% and manufacturing was 20%. In
town
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 B, in the
year
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 1960, manufacturing was 70%,
sales
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 were 20% and
services
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 were only 10%.
Linking Words
however
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However
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, in the
year
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 2010, manufacturing was 58%,
sales
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 were 22% and
services
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 were 25%. But the
Services
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sectors
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 have grown very fast in
town
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 A. There are three
sectors
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 in
town
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 A
as well as
Linking Words
 B.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the above information describes the percentage of people working in different
sectors
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. There has been a great difference.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, town, sales, year, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "describes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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