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Writing Samples
Band 5

"The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

"The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
#diagrams #show #workers #work #home #hours #males #females #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided bar chart and table present data on the primary reasons why individuals prefer working online from their homes, categorized by gender in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend indicates that the main factor contributing to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the potential cost savings, followed by concerns related to productivity and opportunities for parenting.
Additionally
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, it is noteworthy that as
men
Use synonyms
 grow older, they tend to increase their weekly working hours,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 show a significant decrease in
this
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 regard. Regarding the
men
Use synonyms
's data, it suggests that working from home could potentially lead to more efficient expenditure, with the percentage of those who believe so reaching its highest at 45%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, for
women
Use synonyms
,
this
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 percentage is slightly lower at 42%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, productivity-related issues emerge as the second most common reason associated with
this
Linking Words
 preference for online work, with 24% of
men
Use synonyms
 expressing agreement compared to only 11% of
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a greater proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 claim that online work allows for easier parenting responsibilities and caring for their babies, with percentages of 26% and 4% respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
's percentages remain lower at 4% for parenting.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when it comes to age groups, statistics indicate that a significant majority of males under the age of 10 spend the majority of their working time in their accommodation, amounting to 74%.
However
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,
this
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 percentage drops to 6% for
men
Use synonyms
 over 30.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number for
men
Use synonyms
 under 10 is only 3%, but it rises dramatically to 81% for
men
Use synonyms
 in their 30s.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, however, whereas".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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