IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The provided line curve depicts the percentage of tourists who visited four different kinds of attractions in Birmington, England, between 1980 and 2010.

The provided line curve depicts the percentage of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who visited four different kinds of attractions in
Birmington
Correct your spelling
Birmingham
, England, between 1980 and 2010. In 1980,
Pier
Correct article usage
the Pier
show examples
 attraction had the lowest number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 of the four attractions, it contains just 10 %.
This
Linking Words
 compared with more than 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Art
Use synonyms
Gallery
Use synonyms
, approximately 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in Pavillion and 30 % in Festival amusement. By 1985,
Use synonyms
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of Pier`s
visitors
Use synonyms
 had risen from 10 to almost 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Pavilion`s
Correct article usage
The pavilion`s
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increased by nearly 5% between 1980 and 1985.
However
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
Festival`s
Correct article usage
the Festival`s
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 fell steadily from 30% to nearly 27% in the same period.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Art
Use synonyms
Gallery
Use synonyms
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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 climbed sharply by approximately 22% to 38%.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 years 1985 to 1995, there was
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 fall in the Festival`s
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 by nearly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25%,
mean
Correct your spelling
meanwhile
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while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of Pier`s guests fluctuated slightly between 1985 and 2000. Unfortunately, in the period from 1985 to
1990
Add a comma
,1990
show examples
 the
visitors
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Art
Change preposition
to Art
show examples
Use synonyms
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 declined dramatically from
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
, which value
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
 less than
start
Wrong verb form
the starting
show examples
 point in 1980(22%), but later, there was a slight rise to 21% by 1995.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
gallery
Capitalize word
Gallery
show examples
, Pavilion`s travelers increased significantly more than 1.5 times between 1985 and 1995,
however
Linking Words
, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped sharply from 1995-2000. By 2010, Pavilion`s
visitors
Use synonyms
 fell steadily, and the trend was downward.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 period from 1995 to 2010 saw the percentage of
tourists
Use synonyms
 in Festival amusement rose gradually and
then
Linking Words
 levelled off. At the same time, the
Use synonyms
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
Art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Gallery`s
Change noun form
Gallery
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 decreased dramatically from 20% to under 10% by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there has been
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
show examples
 climb in the number of Pier`s guests, at approximately 22%-was doubled what it had been in 2000.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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