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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of money spent on five important consumer items (food, housing, transportation,
health
Use synonyms
 care, and clothing) in
four
Use synonyms
countries
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 (The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan) in one particular year (2009).
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen the higher percentage of the
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 consuming was housing,
while
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 care and clothing accounted for the lower proportion. In terms of housing, people from
four
Use synonyms
countries
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 spent more than a fifth on it, especially in The United States the cost of housing was more than a quarter.
In addition
Linking Words
, the share of food and transportation was
also
Linking Words
 relatively high, equal to or greater than 10% in all
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
. Among them, Japan and the UK,
in particular
Linking Words
, spent more than 20% on food,
whereas
Linking Words
 America and Canada spent more than 15% on transportation.
While
Linking Words
 both
health
Use synonyms
 care and clothing account for a relatively low share of consumption. Canada, the UK, and Japan spend less than 5% on
health
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the cost of clothing in the
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 was quite low, around 5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, four, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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