IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
It is argued that having a
job
 that ensures an employee's financial situation is more considered than a
job
 which satisfies them.
This
 essay partially disagrees with
this
 statement. In my opinion, solving problems and dedication to a
job
 in the workplace needs complete
job
 satisfaction
however
, it is crystal clear that a critical financial situation influences people's abilities. On the one hand, individuals who are not involved with their work, do not perform
as well as
 others who love their jobs.
Although
 they might be satisfied with their income, they have to struggle with reasonable hours of a hard time in their workplace results in changing their behaviour and in some cases facing mental illnesses.
For instance
, every year, a considerable number of students who decide to be a doctor because of huge income, leave medical schools to start their desired careers.
On the other hand
, workers who struggle with financial issues cannot focus on their
job
 affecting their performance in the workplace. It means their minds always try to find a solution
instead
 of concentrating on their
job
.
Moreover
, experiencing quality time with family which is crucial to depriving their mind from work and coming back more energetic, is not possible without a strong financial background.
For example
, a significant number of companies provide trips for their employees to enjoy their holidays with their families and
then
 come back with fresh minds.
To conclude
, it is believed that
job
 satisfaction is not as important as having a
job
 with considerable income
while
 I think people's performance is totally based on their interest in that
job
however
 their financial problems can impact their abilities.
Submitted by parham.moonesi on

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coherence cohesion
Task Response: The essay provides a partial disagreement with the statement but lacks a clear and balanced approach. Ensure that the response fully addresses the prompt and takes a more specific stance on the issue.
task achievement
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is mostly maintained, but there is some room for improvement in connecting ideas and maintaining a clear progression throughout the essay. Ensure that the ideas are linked coherently and cohesively to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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