IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia. the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia.

the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia. the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia.
#information #two #ggenre #tv #men #women #diferent #age #groups #australia
The bar chart provides data about two
ggenre
Correct your spelling
types
 of tw shows watched by both genders and 4 different
age
 groups in
australia
Change the capitalization
Australia
show examples
.
Overall
, it is noticeable that the proportion of females was the highest who watch reality shows,
while
 the gender of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had the lowest. In terms of game shows, the oldest group had the largest percentage,
whereas
people
of
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
 25-34 lowest.
To begin
 with, the percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 accounted for 70 % ,
while
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 namely 30%.
However
, the rate of
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
wathing
Correct your spelling
watching
 reality shows was the highest over the period in question.
A
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16-24 had approximately 50 %
in contrast
 with
people
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 45+ ,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for under 70%. With regards to game shows, both genders had a similar
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 namely 62% and 60%,
while
 the group of oldest
people
 had a 70 % , which had the largest percentage
overe
Correct your spelling
over
 the period in question. The figure for
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-24
age
 of
people
 had ,roughly 50 %
while
 the rate of
Correct pronoun usage
those age
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 25-34 and 35-44 accounted for 40 %.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!